I am not someone who can skip over feelings. I never have been and I never will be.
For many years I tried. I mean I really, really, REALLY tried to skip over all the uncomfortable stuff, which I had a lot of. But the ability to skip over my feelings is not one of my graces. I am simply someone who has to feel it all until I’m all the way through.
Lately, I am in a constant growth mode which means I have been moving through that crazy-making and uncomfortable spot between what was and what’s yet to be a LOT.
Getting comfortable in that uncomfortable process of our inner metaphorical bones growing together is a superpower. And it’s literally something I do with people EVERY. SINGLE. DAY; support and teach them how to hold themselves in that process so they don’t need me or someone like me anymore.
Anyway, here’s a video (thanks Ken) of me in some of my own writhing. It doesn’t always look like this. In contrast, yesterday I was very quiet and quietly witnessing myself inside some anger.
In the video, I do not look polished or pretty. There is no filter. I look like someone who’s bothered by the pea under her 20 mattresses. In the video, I am sharing with Ken the maddening feeling of it with as much humor as I could muster.
I share this so that if maybe you have felt this way or feel this way currently, you won’t feel so alone or like you’re broken. Anyone and everyone who is in self-recovery and is growing themselves up feels like this sometimes.