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  • Ana Del Castillo

Don’t Be Afraid To Scare People


Last night someone said to me, “oh! You scare people because you’re YOU.” Ken and I laughed out loud.

Um, yeah.

I can come across as scary and aggressive to some because I am straightforward, confident, and assertive. In a world where so many women are accustomed to communicating in passive, placating, manipulative, or complaining ways, my assertiveness can read to some as threatening or aggressive.

Also, to be frank, sometimes I am just plain old aggressive and threatening. Shrug. I am a full-fledged, flesh-and-blood person.

That also can be threatening for some because for women, assertiveness, aggressiveness, ambitiousness, and confidence - in fact, all the feelings - are generally frowned upon, tone policed, shamed, and not really allowed.

Women are supposed to be “happy,” “sweet,” and not be a “bitch.”

We’re supposed to somehow suppress who we are and also be the de facto manager of other people’s feelings.

Personally, I am so done with pretzeling myself to make other people more comfortable with who I am.

I am so done with judging myself through the eyes of some external lens to make me more tolerable to others, but less alive and at war with myself.

Truly, I’d rather be unapologetically myself and clean it up as I go along. I’d rather be true to who I am rather than a lie for someone else.

Because the thing is, assertive behavior is about respecting and standing up for oneself. And that’s a necessity in a world that is constantly communicating how we as women need to be less ourselves.

Nah. I won’t be less myself for anyone. I will not ignore inconvenient truths for some temporary, bs “happiness,” comfort, or relationship. The truth is, the moment I betray myself there is no longer any hope for happiness, comfort or a relationship with someone else.

So yeah. I am me. And being fully oneself can come across as aggressive and scary to people.

Oh well. Get over it bitches. We’re all swimming in waters that are constantly trying to shape us.

Best to start the revolution. I’ll dare to be fully me. Maybe it’ll inspire others to do the same for themselves.


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